Number 1: Being ignored.
The first thing that hurts a narcissist forever is being ignored. When you ignore anybody, obviously, this can cause some hard feelings. But when you ignore someone who literally thrives off of your energy, your attention, and everything else you have to offer, it’s like cutting off the air to a narcissist’s lungs. They hate this. First of all, you’re someone who they feel will never walk away and will never be done. This is why they’ve chosen you. And when you do this, it is a huge blow to their ego. Secondly, now you’re forcing them to either try harder with you, hoover or go find a new source of supply. In most cases, all three. And this is work that frankly, they don’t want to do. You’re just supposed to sit there and be incredibly easy to abuse.
Why this hurts them? Again, they’re not going to disclose this to you, but it hurts them so badly because they thought you’d never get to a place of blocking them forever, and not responding to them. And again, that huge ego bruise comes into play. You’ve stopped playing the game. More than that, you won. You took your ball and you went home. They lose your supply. They end up getting pretty butt hurt in the process. Of course, they’re going to move on. That’s the nature of the beast. But I guarantee when you go dark, they remember that shit forever.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
Number 2. The ego bruise, known as the narc injury.
You cause a narcissistic injury and hurt their feelings when you do things like trying to hold them accountable for their actions, when you put boundaries or standards in place, and of course, when you criticize, even incredibly professional, constructive criticisms, or you embarrass or humiliate them. What you’re doing is you’re popping that fantasy bubble that they live in because remember, there’s real reality that we all live in, and then there’s the narcissist’s version of reality, which is incredibly fake. That’s the one they live in. So you pop that fantasy bubble, so to speak, and they’re forced, if only for a fleeting moment, to take a good look at themselves. And they hate it, and it hurts them because they’re very self-loathing individuals. They don’t want to see that maybe they’re not doing something correctly. Things like that.
I have a whole article about narcissistic injury- Signs You Have Caused A Narcissistic Injury, you can check it out. Many people say they’ve done it to the narcissist, intentionally or otherwise. This causes a narcissist to suffer the ego bruise. It’s something they’re not going to forget. That’s why when survivors do this and they cause a narc injury, even if you don’t know what you’ve done, it’s less likely that you’re going to be hoovered or a hoover takes a lot longer because the narcissist thinks two, three, four, and more times about deciding whether or not to come sniffing around again.
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