Number 4: Control.
When a narcissist gets dumped, they see it as a loss of control. They do not appreciate giving up their role as the controller and becoming the submissive one instead. Their need to be in control usually stems from childhood abuse and trauma, or from entitlement developed as a child. A narcissist hoovering after no contact is usually out of control over the situation. The victim feels empowered and feels in control by giving the narcissist the no-contact rule, but little do they know that most narcissists are stubborn.
A narcissist hoovering is looking to control the emotions of the victim and the emotional aspect of the whole relationship. It isn’t about the victim’s happiness, but whether or not they can emotionally control them enough to feel a sense of happiness and keep them entrapped in their web. The narcissist wants the victim to feel like their life is chaotic without them, that the narcissist is the glue that holds their emotional and physical wellbeing together.
Number 5: Loneliness.
A narcissist definitely does not enjoy being lonely. They usually prefer another person around to distract themselves from their own problems. They do not like the idea of having to face themselves or coming to terms with who they are or how they treat others. When a person finally sits down and spends time by themselves, they begin to reflect on who they are. A narcissist wants to do everything they can to avoid facing the harsh reality.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
A hoovering narcissist attempts to lure the victim back in because they don’t want to face themselves. So they project their harsh feelings onto someone else. A narcissist, usually from a young age, always had someone around even if they were good to the narcissist or not. Whether they were abused or not, they were used to someone’s company. This reflects in their reasoning for hoovering. They will hoover and lure the victim back in because they need to have someone around. They need to feel the presence of another person.
And just like their upbringing (if it happened to be abusive), they don’t care about the person they are attempting to keep around, only that they are there. They prefer a person they are accustomed to, someone who knows their ins and outs. If the victim establishes no-contact after the breakup, the sheer fact of sitting alone can drive them to begin hoovering the victim till they are entangled in their web again.
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