Number 3: The victim is moving on.
What hurts more than anything is seeing your ex with someone else. This can tie into the point we made earlier about pride. It can really hurt someone’s pride watching their loved one fall in love with someone else. The narcissist may begin hoovering if they feel their partner is permanently detaching themselves from them. If you decide to move on from your old toxic relationship and start something new, the narcissist will feel like they have lost and they will begin hoovering after no contact.
They may try showing up at your home or sending you pictures of old times when you two were happy to make you start remembering how you felt when you were with them at that time. They may even begin to apologize for hurting you. They will do this to seem like they are better than your new partner. This will show the victim that they are willing to apologize for their mistakes because they know that is exactly what the victim wants to hear.
This hoovering tactic is widely used and sometimes very effective for the narcissist to get what they want. They may see it as a romantic gesture and believe the victim will appreciate it, and the victim may see it that way or interpret it as harassment. It depends on the victim and their perception of the relationship. The narcissist also knows that if they continuously butt into their ex’s new relationship, their significant other might get tired of it and leave their ex, making them feel rejected and alone and maybe even receptive to the narcissist’s wishes.
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