#3. Criticisms or slights of any kind.
They perceive anything to be a criticism, even if you’re just making an observation about something. You notice that eventually something is going to have to happen in order for something to be complete or resolved. It has really nothing to do with them; they perceive that to be a criticism. I mean, it involves things that don’t even have anything to do with something they did or something they said. Incidentally, certain tones can trigger this reaction. Anything that is perceived to potentially be a criticism or a slight of any kind will make them miserable.
And they’re extremely defensive; they interrupt, and it’s impossible to have a conversation with them because of it. So, that is what will make a narcissist miserable, which ultimately ends up making you miserable too, because if a narcissist is miserable, they want to make sure that you are miserable right along with them.
#4. People being appreciated other than them.
If you say to somebody, “Oh wow, you did a really great job,” or “I really appreciate how wonderful so-and-so is,” or “I’m so grateful to so-and-so,” they’re extremely jealous about that—especially jealous types of narcissists. If you say something about another person, they’ll start to ask, “Oh, do you like that person? Do you have feelings for that person?” They start to think maybe you have something for that person. I mean, you have to constantly monitor what you’re saying and how you’re feeling about things. It’s just ridiculous because you’re always in this zone of being careful about watching how much appreciation you show for somebody, because you don’t want it to seem like you’ve got some kind of sexual thing for somebody.
Or if you give appreciation to somebody that they know you don’t have anything like that for, then they just put the other person down. “Well, I don’t like that person. That person’s a sham. That person spends time in prison, or they’re just a liar.” They always have something bad to say about that person. I mean, they’re going to find something to say about that person because they can’t stand somebody who is being appreciated, acknowledged, admired, or anything other than them.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
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