Our topic for today is 5 reasons Why a Narcissist Won’t Change.
A lot of times, survivors linger in these toxic relationships with narcissists because of a belief that love conquers all. That’s true with psychologically well-adjusted individuals but not with narcissists. The reason for this is that narcissists are emotionally primitive, they lack the depth to generate complex positive emotions like joy and Trust, so their experience of love is limited and transitory.
Usually, the closest a narcissist comes to loving someone is feeling infatuated with them because they’re empty inside, they usually get bored with whoever they’re infatuated with. Obviously, if the narcissist has led you to believe that they feel the same kind of unconditional love for you that you feel for them, you may want to confront the narcissist about their behaviour, and the fact that you are not getting your needs met in the relationship. If you do this, the narcissist will blame you and tell you it’s your fault.
Maybe if you made more money or maybe if you were younger, curvier, thinner, or someone else, anyone else other than what you are, maybe then you’d be good enough for the narcissist to love you back. Of course, none of this is true, it’s just the narcissist deflecting from the fact, but they’re not willing to meet any of your needs because they don’t love you- they’re using you, and they aren’t going to change.
A book: Will I Ever Be Free of You?: How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist and Heal Your Family
If you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, one of the worst things you can do to yourself is hang on to the Toxic hope that they are going to change. I use the word toxic because this is one of the most treatment-resistant personality disorders there is. The best thing you can do for yourself if you’re dealing with a narcissist is going no contact and move on. If that’s not possible because you work with a narcissist or you have children with them, then you can use tools like grey rock, which is basically cutting off all narcissistic supply in the form of emotional reactions and attention you give the narcissist.
Another tool you can use is J.A.D.E, which stands for, don’t justify, argue, defend, or explain. These tools usually make the narcissist goes bored of you, and then they’ll find someone else to antagonize. If you thought about confronting the narcissist about their behaviour, I advise against it. I want to break down their rationale so you understand why confrontation is an exercise in futility. Narcissists think very differently from normal people.
So here are my top five reasons why narcissists won’t change.
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