Face 3: The needy dependent.
He doesn’t appear demanding at first. He starts by presenting himself as overwhelmed, unlucky, or in a crisis. He just lost his job, or rent is tight, or he forgot his wallet, and then it’s medical. He needs surgery, or he’s injured, or he’s not feeling well. It’s always something urgent and convenient and just plausible enough that stepping in feels like the kind and moral thing to do. At first, it feels like support. You step in, thinking he’ll get back on his feet, but he never does. The more you give, the more is expected: groceries, caregiving, bills, favors. It slowly becomes your job to carry both of you.
And if you say no or ask him to take responsibility, you’re immediately framed as the problem. He doesn’t just expect you to stay; he demands it. You’re told that leaving would make you cruel, heartless, or abusive. He cries and he begs, but it’s not because he fears losing you; it’s because he can’t bear losing his supply. He doesn’t say, “I love you.” He says, “How can you do this to me after everything I’ve been through?”
Related: 5 Code Words Narcissists Use.
If you try to pull away, the punishment will escalate. He’ll say, “You’re selfish.” He’ll straight out call you a narcissist. He’ll threaten to tell others about how heartless you are. He’ll bring in authority figures—doctors, therapists, family—people who see only his victimhood and validate the story he’s carefully constructed. And this isn’t about temporary neediness; it’s about long-term power and dominance. The demands start small, then quietly multiply into a list that you can never keep up with. He’ll never say, “You owe me.” But that’s the emotional contract that he is enforcing. And every time you try to step back, he tightens the grip by increasing the crisis.
Over time, the dynamic becomes suffocating. You aren’t just helping someone through a hard time; you’ve become the unpaid caretaker in a one-sided relationship. And the more you give, the more you’re accused of not giving enough. The needy dependent doesn’t just drain your energy; he weaponizes his weakness, turning it into proof that you’re the villain if you ever stop serving him. And by the time you realize what’s happening, you’re already buried under guilt, obligation, and the fear of what he might do if you walk away.
Recommended Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
Continue reading on the next page
Sharing is caring!
