1. The person who represents diversity.
The first person that they cannot tolerate is the person who lives in diversity from the narcissist. You see what this reveals is that when you come along and you show yourself to be different, narcissists carry on the inside of them an inability or an unwillingness to empathize. Rather than approaching you with your diverse beliefs and opinions and preferences, etc., rather than approaching you thinking, “I could probably learn something here,” or “There’s something going on in your life that’s not consistent with mine, what’s that all about,” in their mind, they’re thinking, “Why would I want to understand you? If you’re not in my club, if you don’t think or act or believe or behave as I do, then I have no use for you.”
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
It illustrates that narcissists are strongly transactional in the way that they engage. They don’t really need to know you as a human being; they want to know you as far as your utility goes, somebody who can prop up their biases, etc. Your diversity reveals, “I don’t have any need to show empathy.” In addition, when they illustrate that they cannot tolerate an individual who’s too diverse from them, it also illustrates that they’re unable to accept somebody who requires them to get outside of their comfort zone. It’s like, “No, that requires too much work. If you think differently, if you prioritize differently, that means that I’m going to have to think carefully about who you are,” and narcissists operate with what I refer to as psychological laziness. It’s like, “Don’t make me go into that kind of space; I don’t do that.”
Related: 7 Ways To Get A Narcissist To Respect You.
In addition, narcissists view diversity as rejection. It also reveals that in their mind, they think of another individual’s diversity as rejection. Somehow, when someone comes along and, through their lifestyle or their preferences, illustrates, “Well, I’m not always on the same page as you,” it’s like, “You’re down on my case, aren’t you?” and narcissists are extremely egocentric to the point of being childish. In their mind, they just interpret it as, “Oh, so you’re against me, aren’t you?” and it’s like, “No, I didn’t say anything like that.” “Oh, yes, you did.” That’s how they interpret it. In their intolerance toward diverse individuals, these individuals show that conformity is central to being able to have a relationship with them. Conformity, by the way, is one way; you’re supposed to conform to them; they don’t conform to you.
Recommended Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
Conformity is central to who they are. And then, as they maintain this mindset that says, “I don’t do diversity,” it sets that narcissist up to be highly critical. Have you ever been on the receiving end of that? And, of course, the answer is, “Oh, yeah.” They can be very bossy; they can be imperative in the way that they talk with you, and when I say imperative, they appeal to the regulatory mindset. “You better; you’re supposed to; you must; you have to.” They can be highly judgmental and shaming in the way that they engage, and when I say that, I mean a lot, and they can ridicule you. That’s what their intolerance of your diversity can do. They don’t like that person who’s too diverse.
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