When you suspect somebody is using over-the-top flattery as manipulation, use the flattery filter method. Imagine you’re at a party and someone starts showering you with compliments—”Your outfit’s amazing! Your career achievements are inspiring! You’re the most interesting person they’ve ever met!” So how do you respond? First, take a breath, then ask yourself: does this praise fit the situation, and how well do I know this person?
Now, here’s the key: view the compliment as information about the giver, not about you. What does it reveal about them? Notice how you feel. Genuine compliments usually leave you feeling appreciated without pressure; flattery that’s manipulation often causes confusion, discomfort, or a sense of obligation. Regardless of how you perceive the compliment, respond with a simple, “I appreciate that.” If you’re talking with a genuinely kind person, this response is neutral and polite. But for someone who’s aiming to manipulate and wants you to thank them, this response sets a clear boundary. “I appreciate that” keeps you distinctly separate while staying polite.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
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