Number 9: No boundaries.
In addition to being incapable of true intim@cy and establishing a healthy, loving connection, narcissists are also absolutely incapable of respecting you, your privacy, and the sanctity of your relationship. Telling others intim@te details about your s£x life is par for the course when you’re involved with a narcissist, and they’ll go so far as to make up elaborate, perverted, even kinky stories, lying outright about you and what actually went on in the bedroom.
More often than not, this is purely classic narcissistic attention-seeking behavior, but they’ll also do this for no other reason than the sheer satisfaction of making themselves look and feel good while titillating their audience and making themselves seem far more virile than they actually are. When, in reality, once the high of the initial seduction phase has worn off, more often than not, they’re a complete letdown and utter disappointment in the sack.
In addition, if they can make you look or sound bad—if they can assassinate your character and destroy your reputation in the process through their storytelling—total bonus for the narcissist. In their mind, now they have leverage on you.
It’s important to realize that anyone who, A, listens to that nonsense, and B, believes it—never mind actually goes so far as to repeat it—is cut from the same cloth as the destructive narcissist you’re dealing with. So ask yourself: why are they in such a hurry to believe the nonsense? As far as I’m concerned, their opinions should not matter at all. Let them believe the stories. You know who you are. Let that be enough.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
Number 10: infidelity.
You know you’re dealing with a destructive narcissist when they feel entitled to cheat, which, of course, they do. And let’s be honest: you have to be pretty empathy-impaired, if not lacking in conscience entirely, to be able to pull this off, considering the lying, deceiving, and manipulation involved. People with a conscience can’t just go home, wash it off, and look their spouse or significant other in the face and pretend there’s someone they’re not, but narcissists can.
Like I said earlier, narcissists have a high need for validation and affirmation, which they try to satisfy through s£x. This means that a narcissistic partner will be likely to stray from the relationship repeatedly in order to seek out additional validation and approval from other s£xµal partners. And don’t get me wrong: not all narcissists cheat, but in my view, the vast majority do. They do so because he or she doesn’t feel guilt, shame, or any remorse as a result of inflicting this particular brand of betrayal trauma on those they supposedly care for. In fact, they’ll often go so far as to blame their partner for the infidelity instead of taking responsibility for the very real pain they caused.
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